Daily Nugget of Gold 787
Praising Something into Existence
Have you ever had any difficulties with someone who just seems to lack one or more qualities we want or need them to have? It seems to us that the usual approach is to criticize, condemn, belittle, and complain those things into existence, does it not? How’s that been working for us? If we’re honest with ourselves, it isn’t having much effect. If it is working, why change? If it isn’t- why not try a different tactic?
Suppose we have a child who usually doesn’t clean up the little messes they make. Instead of faulting them for this behavior, if we say to him or her something like, “I love when you clean up after yourself. Each time you do you make life so much easier for me and I smile inside because I know that you love making me happy just like I love doing things to make you happy” we should be surprised at how they’ll step up to the plate and respond.
One word of caution on this approach. The words that we say need to be genuine and felt from the heart. Our focus on those rare occasions when they exhibit the behavior or even our fantasy that they are doing it in the lack of any tiny crumb of evidence them currently doing so is key. If we focus any of our attention on the negative, any at all, we should meet with the exact same response we got when we were complaining. Why? Because with this approach, mere lip service isn’t enough to convey the proper non-verbal communication which most people pick up easily. In other words, it must have truth in it.
But wait, didn’t we say that your statement could be based on fantasy? Yes, as long as the love and gratitude we feel is real as we dwell on the fantasy that they did what we desired them to do. It’s the emotional underpinnings that must be genuine. If we do this with distrust, resentment, or anger in our hearts it should meet with the failure it deserves. That’s how this can be a little tricky. Still, this is most certainly a challenge we can meet if we want to effect positive change.
You will probably note that the biggest change we are asking for here involves not changing the other person but ourselves. This is because it simply isn’t possible to force genuine change in others, but we can always cause things to happen within ourselves that makes it far more likely that we’ll get the results that we desire as we accomplish our internal purification of heart. If we remember that our outside world reflects our inner world, then the proper place to make the changes we wish to make should be more apparent to us. Success in this sense is the same as success in any regard, it’s an inside job.
Question of the Day to Ask Ourselves
“What can I do in my heart to cause the changes I wish to see in my world?”