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Daily Nugget of Gold 2194

Daily Nugget of Gold 2194

The Empathy Problem Re-Examined

So, about our friend with the empathy problem, let’s get back to that. It’s tempting, in a way, to pursue what we would call a “rabbit hole” of a problem when we have our own issues. Why? If we choose another problem, for a spell, we can ignore our own. Never mind that the problem which came up is really and totally unsolvable- that is- there is nothing we can do about kids who have lost their parent in regards to bringing that parent back.

This is not to say there aren’t things we can do to help them, but rather that if we do that from a standpoint that our heart is heavy and hurting, that what we do will not be as helpful to them as what we would do from a heart filled with love and joyfulness could. It’s okay for us to grieve, but when we focus on healing, grief isn’t a vibrational state of being which we would want to share love from.

Grief is more about the loss of what was than the positive gratitude we could feel instead for what we were given. The focus on our gain through who someone was is a more beneficial and healing emotional experience than the rather narrow and negatively focused loss-based view. With empathy, while it’s great because it helps us understand that enormity of someone’s pain, we are losing sight- for at least a moment- of why we’re here. It’s great for perspective, but as an operational base, it’s lousy.

So, as we were saying in our last session, sometimes we do other things than address our own issues. This is one of those “other things” in that we can get lost in the misery of others rather than work on perfecting ourselves. A positive vibrational state of being is a worthy goal, but seeking that through the alignment to negative states of vibration themselves isn’t possible. Yes, it can be helpful, in that we now see what state of mind we want to avoid. It can be helpful in that we can learn from it what to be happy and grateful for. It can be helpful as we develop our sense of humor with what we see.

As we begin to refocus our efforts on perfecting our own vibrational state of being, we handle the things which come to us so much better. Imagine for yourself, how great it would feel to be so joyful and loving that the little things which annoyed you about others don’t even register. We can be filled with awe and wonder that someone close to us chose to be there with us in spite of our own faults. We can be so amazed at someone’s good traits that the habits they have that once got our goat seem too silly for us to mess with, emotionally.

Gratitude is the biggest and best and baddest slayer of grief. It also works wonders for sadness, anger, jealousy, envy, fear, and frustration.

Question of the Day to Ask Ourselves

“What is more loving, to share joy or to share misery?”

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Daily Nugget of Gold 2193

Daily Nugget of Gold 2193

The Work Within

We start here with Buddha’s quote we stated a few sessions ago, “Peace comes from within, do not seek it without.” We begin there because, try as we might, there is no problem within our grasp that can be solved by mucking it up in the world that exists beyond our inner core, our being. Yes, absolutely we can do things in the outside world, that’s our tasks- but any difficulty we have with that is best solved from within. This goes doubly true of any inter-relational issues we may have with others.

So, what course of action should we begin on accomplishing the work we speak of, the work of changing ourselves in order to solve our problems? We could begin by identifying those things we do currently to try and mask our troubles within. Do we do things like eat food for purposes other than proper nutritional support? Yes, we can have tasty food, but are we consuming too much of it or too little of it? Are we using alcohol, tobacco, drugs? Are we looking for an escape in entertainment, gaming, gambling, shopping, or sex? We can ask this another way, do we have any vices?

Instead of those things we mentioned, do we feel judgmental about others? Are we critical of what other people choose to do? Do we dole out advice which might be better consumed by ourselves in regards to our own faults? We covered a lot here, and there is almost certainly a place here for everyone to start with.

Remember that if we feel any negative emotional at all, particularly if we don’t engage in all of those activities we’ve named which help to mask that, then we have work to do within we really want to begin working on. So often we think we can change other people to suit us, particularly if they are near and dear to us. That’s always the wrong approach, that change has to be keenly desired within their own hearts and they have a different set of priorities than we have. If we think that our spouse doesn’t love us enough, or care about us enough to become the person we want them to be, it is we who have the problem here, not them. The fact that we feel that way is our first clue we are looking in the wrong place for happiness.

In interpersonal relationships, the only way we can create lasting change is to envision the other in a more perfect way by praising the good qualities they have and blessing them for them. Feeling grateful about who they are, feeling joyful we have them- warts and all- in our lives is where our own internal happiness and joy spring from. Dwelling on their faults will do as much good as them dwelling on ours. We will create disharmony and resentment if we do that.

Question of the Day to Ask Ourselves

“What is easier to change, something within my grasp or something beyond my reach?”

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Daily Nugget of Gold 2192

Daily Nugget of Gold 2192

The Hard Problem

We chuckle to ourselves on this title. There is such a thing in science called “The Hard Problem” but what we are referring to here isn’t that problem. This one is easy compared to a scientist’s “hard problem”, particularly a scientist who doesn’t believe in Spirituality. That “hard problem” is of explaining why and how consciousness exists. Fortunately, that’s not our problem, for us, we’ve already resolved that one. That we have the solution isn’t making the scientists we referred to here any happier. It sucks to be them, LOL.

The hard problem with refer to is this: How do we get back to a place where we are operating from a heart overflowing with Love and Joy if we were in turmoil within ourselves before we were handed this extremely difficult problem of overwhelming empathy? If we’re saying, “I’m not good with empathy”, is it perhaps that we’ve been suffering in emotional pain and frustration within before we were handed “the straw that broke the camel’s back”? Could be.

Your author here doesn’t dwell within the person’s heart who presented this problem to us, so this is

being written for those people who are existing already in troubled waters. If our heart is already in a bad spot to begin with, the concept of “getting to a place where we are operating from a heart overflowing with Love and Joy” seems impossible. We want to tell you, however, that the overwhelm we are feeling in situations like that, where we are in turmoil and wanting a life preserver thrown to us only to receive a large and heavy rock- is for a reason.

Here’s the thing, we can get very “comfortable” living with a heart which is out of control bad because we can dull the pain temporarily by latching on to alcohol, drugs, consumerism (material things), food, or sex. All of these things can dull the pain temporarily, but none of them fix internal issues. The only way we can overcome these things is to practice forgiveness daily, both for ourselves and others, and center our existence on doing the work we were sent to do.

The “work” we’re talking about isn’t the occupation we’re in, or our mission in life. We can be in passionate pursuit of our life’s “work”, the mission in life we’ve stated for ourselves and totally ignore this important work. The job we’ve all been assigned is to be truly happy and joyful, no matter what. That’s “the work” we’re talking about, and sometimes immersing ourselves in our mission in life can actually be as much of a distraction as the above things we’ve named.

Question of the Day to Ask Ourselves

“If I am in a state of overwhelm, might that be a hint that I need to be working on myself from within?”

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Daily Nugget of Gold 2191

Daily Nugget of Gold 2191

Focusing on The Wrong Problem

One of the things that occurred to us which would make this work of keeping a heart filled with Love and Joy more difficult is focusing on problems which are not ours to solve. This situation which was given to us to help with is a perfect example of such a thing. The temptation we have as loving and caring human beings and further, as Spiritual beings, is that we try to take on problems which are not ours to solve and then we get frustrated, depressed, or angry when we cannot solve them. Those little kids have such a problem, in this situation, they’ve lost a parent and witnessed a long illness take that parent away from them here, in the physical realm.

It’s not that we are being selfish here, but we cannot “solve” their problem, try as we might. Only they can do that and that the problem is huge and apparently “unsolvable” doesn’t demand we do anything to solve it for them. We can’t. We need to come to terms with that or we will be focusing our energy and attention where it won’t help us or them, this is something we were given to deal with within ourselves, not something we can fix for them. That being said, yes, when we are guided to act through intuition and gut feelings, we are being Spiritually nudged to do the right thing.

We’ve quoted Buddha so much here in the last couple of sessions, one might be tempted to call us a Buddhist, which would be unfortunate. We’re not, but we recognize wisdom from whatever the source and we’ve quoted Jesus fairly often, too. In this case, Buddha has one more thing to offer in these trying circumstances which will help us stay on track so we don’t try and work on the wrong problem. Remember that those kids’ problem of losing a parent isn’t something solvable to begin with, but they have the same exact problem we have which is to learn how to develop a heart overflowing with Joy and Love, in spite of what’s happened. You can help with that problem, if you choose to, but you cannot do it for them any more than you can go to the bathroom for them or eat their lunch to provide them nourishment.

To all of this, Buddha said, “Peace comes from within, do not seek it without.”. That we are in turmoil within for a spell is good, that is the gift. It is in resolving the turmoil within ourselves where the value of the lesson comes from. As awful as losing a parent at an early age, at an age where you cannot fully understand why that happened sounds, it’s the gift these children have been given. We have no way to even begin to comprehend just how wonderful that gift is, we’re too focused on their pain to understand it. We need to get to a place where we accept that life does this from time to time and it, and everything else we experience in life, is mainly about the Spiritual growth we derive from it.

Our calling is to work within ourselves so that we don’t have the negative emotions of sadness, anger, frustrations, jealousy, envy, hurt, or pain ruling our actions. Our work is to resolve each situation that comes up within ourselves so that we are Spiritually Harmonious with All There Is in order to be the best instrument we can be of the Hand of God. When we do this, we act lovingly and kindly to all around us. When we are Spiritually Joyful, we don’t place our problems from work at our own children’s feet.

Question of the Day to Ask Ourselves

“What shall I do to re-center my heart of Loving Kindness?”

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Daily Nugget of Gold 2190

Daily Nugget of Gold 2190

The Easy Problem First

Okay, because it’s our choice, we chose to take on the easy problem first, which would be “How do I solve the problem of feeling awful about a situation I had no control of, which presented itself to me, a person who normally has a heart overflowing with joy and love” That’s our phrasing of “the easy problem” and we stated it that way because we fully appreciate the rarity of it. If we had the problem right now that this person has, this is how that problem would be phrased for us, because we have basically arrived at that point where we are in almost total control of our emotional state of being. Almost, not entirely. We’re still human, but we are taxed with this work we do right now because of this station we enjoy in life.

It was Buddha, we believe, who said, “Life is suffering” which seems somewhat depressing at first. He was right in that life is about working through the suffering in order to grow. There is no meaning unless growth happens, Spiritual growth, specifically. All growing to be had in that regard can only come from within. The work is a Spiritual activity, not a physical one. Thinking is a Spiritual activity in that what we think informs what we do. Thinking, however, is entirely something within mind, and cannot be accessed through the physical world.

We also believe that it was Buddha who opined that “Problems are a great gift” The more difficult a problem is, the greater the gift to be had in solving them. Having empathy for someone who is experiencing tragedy in their life is a wonderful gift. Let’s be clear, our job is to try and have “Peace within” our hearts, to live with a heart overflowing with both Love and Joy. The empathy seems to interfere with this because it tugs mightily on the heart and saddens tremendously.

Recognize that sadness is a negative emotion and one that must be dealt with from within. It’s okay for sadness to exist briefly, but just as a weeds in your fertile garden, they should be rooted up and disposed of rather quickly or it will take your garden over. The clue that there is a problem is “feeling bad”, that’s our signal to begin working on a problem.

For us, gratitude is one of the best cures for sadness. It’s difficult to be sad if we are focused on what we are happy and grateful for. Gratitude places us closer to Omnipotence, because when we feel the feelings of gratitude, we move Spiritually toward that center of our being. One thing we can do is to make a list of what we are happy and grateful for and read it aloud in the mirror, looking ourselves in the eye as we do this. The eyes are the windows to the Soul. Another thing we want to do is what we first suggested, follow any gut feelings and intuitive nudges we get and do the things we feel we must do. These are the Spiritually sent guidance we’ve asked for, failing to act when we receive what we’ve asked for isn’t smart.

We’ve run out of room here and we’re still working on “The easy problem” as we’ve named it. More in our next session.

Question of the Day to Ask Ourselves

“What are the things I can do right now within me that brings me back to a heart centered in Love and Joy?”

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